An Uneventful Quarantine Blog Post

I know in the past four months I could’ve written about my trip to Paris or my surprisingly successful dry January or spending Valentine’s day doing jello shots in Tori’s apartment or my 24th birthday or all of the boys I talked to on Hinge then didn’t actually date, but something about sitting in my parents’ basement doing nothing all day really makes a gal want to continue being unproductive all night.

And I did, in fact, write half a post about how we almost missed our flight to Paris and then I yelled at all my friends and then Annie took a sleeping pill and had a dream about raising my triplets (?) and a herd of sheep flocked to me at Versailles, but again, motivation to complete it simply never came.

Ultimately, I was hoping to have some content to write about getting my wisdom teeth out today — or yesterday, pending what time I publish this — but much to my dismay, I did not do or say anything remotely embarrassing post-surgery. My mom did think I was hallucinating when I said I met a dog in the hallway, but as it turns out there really is a dog named Winston who works at the oral surgeon’s office.

Regardless, that didn’t give me anything fun to talk about either, but enough people have asked me where my blog went that I decided to give a brief update on the things I have not accomplished in the past two and a half months I’ve spent at home.

It all started two days before my birthday, when my team at work was unsure if it was a good idea for me to go to Nebraska because we were worried this would all blow over and I’d get stuck at home after the office reopened. Now that we’ve realized that’s clearly not happening, I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on how much I hate working from home.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m lucky to have a job I can do from my parents’ basement in pajamas every day, but I never thought I could actually miss my inconsistent sleep schedule, 45 minute commute and daily $6 iced coffee so much (well, obviously I miss the coffee but the rest doesn’t quite make sense). Something about the walk across Central Park and fighting for a seat on the train really woke me up in the morning so I was ready for the day by the time I got to the office. Now, I’m lucky if I wake up with time to brush my teeth before my first meeting of the day. 

And please note that in that early morning meeting, I will NEVER turn my video on. Despite the fact that I didn’t usually wear makeup to work to begin with, I somehow manage to look even worse with each day I spend at home, and I don’t want my coworkers to remember me like this. They’re only allowed to see me when I feel bad enough about myself to do my hair and makeup and then sit outside by the pool to make Nebraska look more fun and cool than New York. 

Other than that, though, all I’ve really done at home is go on socially distant walks with my friends, shop at Trader Joe’s every other week, read like 47 books and watch a lot of bad TV. I’m almost done with my sixth Sex and the City rewatch and just restarted Avatar the Last Airbender. The only real recommendation I have is that you should all watch Hollywood on Netflix. 

I’m sorry this wasn’t interesting at all, I honestly don’t know what you expected. Maybe next week/month/year I’ll take the time to write about the books I read or the musicals I would’ve seen if Broadway hadn’t closed, but for now we’re all going to have to live with this. I promise the minute I do something remotely exciting I will wait 3-6 weeks to carve out the time to write about it. 

Don’t forget to wear a mask! Stop breaking social distancing rules! Say safe!

Is dry January just an excuse to be antisocial?

TL;DR It’s cold out and it’s much easier to say, “I’m doing dry January!” than, “I would rather bury myself under 17 blankets than get dressed up to pay $22 for well vodka sodas at a bar where I can’t hear what anyone’s saying so I just nod and laugh sporadically.” That’s all, thanks for reading.

---

Everyone who knows me seems absolutely SHOCKED to hear I’m doing dry January. Or at last shocked to hear I’ve actually made it this far (for the most part… shh).

And I get it. I do have a tendency to go to the same wine bar after work 1-5 nights a week, and I love peer pressuring my friends into having just one more drink, or staying out for three more hours. What can I say? New York Maddie likes to have fun.

But after apparently spending more money on wine than groceries last month, I thought it was time to mix things up. Major apologies for the contradiction between this and my “New Year’s resolutions are stupid” post, but I would like to specify that all life changes that came with this dry January were coincidental and therefore cannot be considered “resolutions.” This was a rash decision made at 9:30 a.m. on January 1 and I’m too stubborn not to stick with it.

I’m not going to come out here and tell you my life has improved drastically after 20 days of not drinking, because it hasn’t. But I will say I’m saving approximately $200 this month, if the budgeting spreadsheet I made in a 2 a.m. manic episode last Thursday can be trusted. 

We’ll ignore the fact that I spent more than that on the 17 headbands and six sweaters I’ve ordered from Anthropologie in the past week. As I’ve said many times before: I cannot be trusted with budgeting.

But beyond the financial aspect, I’ve actually used this time to get my sleep schedule in check. Instead of showing up to work half-asleep, I’m able to function normally all morning before I desperately need a nap around 3 p.m. I get home early enough that I actually remember to pack lunch for the next day. And I’ve had time to watch all of The Circle and most of I’m Sorry. Productivity is off the charts.

To be fair, I have gone to Codino (the aforementioned wine bar) at least four times, but in a show of immense restraint and willpower, I turned down every glass of wine Omar and Miriam offered me. I also deeply enjoyed my bottomless tap water at last weekend’s brunch. I know, I’m such an inspiration. How do I do it? 

Sorry, this was not meant to be a humble brag about my 2020 lifestyle. Well, it was, but I took it too far. 

So back to the point… yes, dry January has given me a much easier way to turn down going out plans than saying “honestly I don’t want to put on makeup because I’ve been in bed watching Netflix for 6 hours and I can’t imagine moving (but I did go to the gym this morning)”

It sounds like it made me lazier, but it was nice to reset at the start of the year. I’ve been socially overcommitting for the past six months, and while I love always having something to do, I also loved using this as my excuse to stay in for a few weekends. I’m sure I’ll be tired of it soon. 

Anyway, see you all at 13th Step at 12:01 a.m. on February 1. 

And wow. I’m so sorry for writing 600 words about dry January. That was so annoying of me. 

FAQ: everything you, my dad, my grandma and my mom's friends want to know about me

Over the past two months, I’ve spent more time in Nebraska than I have in the rest of the year combined (which makes sense, I guess, but it still felt like a lot). As anticipated, those I saw at home bombarded me with an abundance of personal questions, so I figured I’d share my answers with all of you in case anyone else was considering reaching out to ask about my job and/or my sex life (this was a topic of conversation at dinner with family friends). 

---

When are you moving back to Nebraska?
Not in the foreseeable future. 

So you’re, like, staying in New York forever?
I didn’t say that. 

Well where else would you move?
I’ll let you know when I decide to move there.

Your Instagram story six weeks ago said you were promoted!
I was!

And you’re going to Paris?
Yes.

So you got a raise and decided to spend all the money instead of saving any?
Ah yes, now you understand my budgeting strategy.

What part of New York do you live in?
[intersection redacted for safety purposes (I just watched season two of You)]

Oh! I don’t know where that is. 
It’s by Central Park!

Ooooooooh. Cool!
I know you still don’t know where that is. 

Do you still take…. the bus…. to work?
I am such a huge advocate for the bus. It has WiFi. It has outlets. I love the bus so much.

How many modes of public transportation have you cried on?
All of them?

I could never live in such a big city. Do you actually like it?
I seriously moved here because I LOVE NEW YORK SO MUCH. Favorite city. It’s the best. Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Is living in NYC just like a sitcom?
Honestly, my friends and I go to a wine bar by our office so often that the bartenders apologized when we showed up and someone else was in our corner. So yes, this is Friends.

Oh good, so you have friends?
I have the best friends, truly. Shoutout to Starcom, Chi Omega and the University of Nebraska-Lincoln for making my social life possible.

Speaking of friends… a lot of your friends from home have gotten engaged/married this year. 
That’s not a question. 

Are you going to get married?
To whom?

Do you have a boyfriend?
Unfortunately the hot Starbucks barista who knew my name & order no longer works the morning shift, so I am back on the market. 

Are you going to be on Broadway?
Maybe if I re-learn how to dance, take some voice lessons and start auditioning (so, no).

What about off-Broadway? Off-off Broadway?
If my living room counts as off-off-Broadway, I can assure you my residency there is going extremely well. 

Did you cut your hair? Are you okay?
This was actually a well thought-out, non-mental-breakdown-related haircut.

What’s your brother doing?
Getting internships that pay more than my full-time job ever will, and preparing to move as far from me as possible. 

If he moves to California would you move to California?
He can move to New York (but he won’t).

Where did you get that coat from that Instagram picture?
Anthropologie, of course!

Why were you out until 9 a.m. on New Years?
Why weren’t you?

---

If you have any questions beyond what I answered above, please hold on to those until Easter. I’ll be holding a press conference at a TBD date/time/location to provide further updates on my life. 

Best,
Maddie

I’m done with New Year’s resolutions

My #1 New Years resolution of 2019 was to stay on top of writing this year, and we all know I failed miserably at that. I would say I’ll be better in 2020, but odds are I’ll keep up with it for a few months then get so distracted by my stacked brunch schedule and triweekly wine nights that I’ll forget. 

In fact, I think I fulfilled so few of my 2019 resolutions that instead of setting new ones for 2020, I’m just going to reflect on how badly I failed at this year’s. After all, acknowledging your shortcomings is the first step to self improvement. Not saying I’m going to change at all this year, but at least I know what I’ve done wrong. 

Full disclosure: I haven’t looked at these resolutions since I wrote them down. Feel free to reference the original list to keep me accountable. 

---

I will say, I technically wrote one more blog post this year than I did in 2018. But resolution number 1 was to become a famous lifestyle blogger, and due to my sporadic posting schedule and lack of self-promotion I clearly did not achieve this. I have failed as an advertising & public relations major.

My second resolution was to unsubscribe from all of the emails I receive daily but never read. Instead, I managed to subscribe to MORE newsletters and also to the print editions of The New Yorker and CN Traveler. Now I not only have to clean out my inbox, I have a huge stack of magazines cluttering my kitchen table. Major apologies to my roommates. 

I have no idea how many books I read this year or last because I’ve done a horrible job of keeping track. I know I read three over Thanksgiving and two over Christmas, and that my favorites of the year were Where the Crawdads Sing, The Word is Murder, and Circe. I also reread the Harry Potter series because that’s who I am. We’ll leave this resolution as undecided, as “read more books” was not a S.M.A.R.T. goal, and thus I cannot confirm or deny if I met it. Perhaps in 2020 I’ll keep a list of what books read. Maybe. 

As for resolution four, I did actually watch all of Game of Thrones in about two months, just in time for the final season to air. Should I have told my boss I watched half of it at work (on ¼ of my screen while I was actually working)? Probably not. 

The more I look at these resolutions, the more it seems I actually accomplished. I’ve finally perfected my schedule to make sure I’m 15 minutes late to everything I do, I brought lunch to work for three straight months, I attended far more brunches than in 2018 (crazy how that happens when you make more friends!!), and I didn’t eat at Dig Inn ONCE. 

Sure, it helps that those “resolutions” were things I would’ve done regardless of if I put them on a list or not, but doesn’t it feel nice to pretend you’ve achieved something you once considered a goal? I thought so.

My last, and most important, goal for the year was to “do more stuff.” Yes, I know, another extremely specific and measurable goal. And if walking 100+ blocks home from work on multiple occasions counts as “stuff,” then I’ll call this one a success. 

Kidding (kind of). I also jumped in the Washington Square Park fountain, went on a pizza tour, attended the Tony Awards (despite not being nominated — can you believe?!), got my phone stolen, fell down multiple flights of stairs, was a groomswoman, visited at least four museums, saw the Jonas Brothers in concert, became a regular at a wine bar (which is honestly dangerous), met Niall Horan at JuicePress, and dyed my hair three times. I’m sure I’ve forgotten at least 294 other things that fall into the category of doing stuff, but these highlights will have to suffice. 

---

When I started writing this, I intended to make the points that there’s no reason to wait until January 1 to set goals for your life, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to make some drastic lifestyle changes just because a new year is starting. If you want something in your life to change, just go for it!

But then I remembered nobody should trust me as a life coach, so I decided not to make that point. 

Moral of the story: I may not have reached all of my goals for this year, but I had fun along the way, and that is good enough for me. 

Here’s to more wine and less phone theft in 2020!

A non-exhaustive New York bucket list

I have a tendency to romanticize New York, which makes sense as my decision to move here was inspired by years of watching Gossip Girl, Sex and The City and every single rom com set in this overcrowded traschan of a city. The rose-colored glasses I view the city through help me ignore the ever present smell of urine in the summer, and have made me see the bright side in the less fortunate situations I’ve gotten myself into. Instead of being upset when my phone was stolen, for example, I considered it an item checked off my bucket list.

I wish I had actually posted a ridiculous NYC bucket list when I first moved here, but you’ll all just have to settle for me sharing a half-completed one now. And yes, as always, this is entirely serious.

---

COMPLETED

• Obviously the most exciting adventure of my year — get pickpocketed. I’ve gotta say, having your phone stolen with another person makes it a lot more bearable. And all in all, the only downside to the phone stealing incident is that I’m now absolutely paranoid and check my pockets and purse every 46 seconds to make sure everything is accounted for.

• Get hit by a bike. One day while crossing 9th Ave on 42nd Street (terrible place to be, I know) — during a green light, at the crosswalk — a biker swerved around a car and ran into me. I literally put my hands out to stop him and ended up keeping him from falling, so you could say I save his life. I don’t know why I was excited to tell people this happened, but everyone involved was fine, so I can make a joke about it.

• Walk the Brooklyn Bridge. I spent three months living right next to the bridge and never made it all the way across. But don’t worry, I’ve since done it three times. The view is prettier if you start in Brooklyn, but you can get Shake Shack after if you start in Manhattan. What’s more important?

• Attend the Tony Awards. I almost cried. I probably did cry and don’t remember because I was so overwhelmed. That was possibly the best night of my life.

• Find my friends’ houses without using Google Maps. I know where, like, five people live. Last week, I made it to BedStuy by pure guesswork. Never expected this of myself.

• Go dog watching in Central Park. This is a crucial part of my morning commute on days when I wake up early enough to walk through the park. No better way to start the day than by saying hello to 76 dogs.

• Make my way through the Met without getting lost. To be fair, this only happened once, when I had been there four times in six weeks, but I still considered it an accomplishment. If anyone ever wants to look at some Seurat, that’s the only room I know how to find.

• Cry in public. I’m working on a bingo board of places I’ve cried, but so far the highlights include the M96 bus, the 6 train, the 3 train, my office and of course Times Square.

• Go on a date with a stranger and not get murdered. After watching “You” on Netflix, I was understandably terrified of all men, but don’t worry. I’ve been on five (5) dates and have yet to be locked in the basement of a bookstore and left to die. I’m also on a dating app cleanse (yes, a cleanse, what else should I call it?) until after Thanksgiving. So don’t worry, I’m probably safe until Christmas.

• Learn how to do fun things by myself. That’s right, I’ve finally found the key to achieving everything in the next section. My definition of “fun things” may just be going to museums or walking a four mile round trip to get a bagel, but that’s something, right? Last time I spent a day by myself, a random woman at the Guggenheim used her free guest pass on me because I look nice. I need to pass on that good karma so this can keep happening to me.

---

NEED TO DO

• Go to SNL. Supposedly I can get in through work, but I’m still scared to ask. I will eventually. Or I’ll enter the lottery like a normal person. Or just give up.

• Visit every park in the city. Maybe just the big ones. This is probably going to be a bigger task than I anticipated, but I went to Prospect and Riverside parks for the first time in the last week and was inspired. I love living by Central Park, and the aforementioned dog watching that goes along with that, but I can certainly branch out.

• Coney Island. I was supposed to go one time in 2017, but then it rained and nobody has been willing to go with me since. I don’t mind doing things alone, but this one just sounds sad. I’m picturing a grown up version of Dakota Fanning in “Uptown Girls” just looking tragic in a spinning teacup.

• Go to the Statue of Liberty. I don’t even really want to do this, but I feel like I need to go at least once. Right?

• Walk all of Manhattan. Every once in awhile when I’m feeling ambitious or having a mental breakdown, I’ll walk 106 blocks home from work (okay fine I’ve only done this twice), and it’s honestly very refreshing. So why not just walk.... the whole city?

• See every musical that opens ever. Or at least as many as possible. This is obviously a work in progress.

• Write something that’s published literally anywhere other than this blog. It’s come to my attention that this is a great (albeit soul crushing) city for writers. Who knew? Guess I’ll work on that.

• Also sing somewhere other than my room or the work talent show. If anyone wants to join my a cappella group that’s currently just me, please send an email.

• Find the absolute best everything bagel with veggie cream cheese in the city. I know I promised a full bagel blog post 6 months ago, but I’m kinda flakey. Sorry.

• Force all of my friends to eat at Veselka. This is another ongoing task, but I’m doing the best I can. 24-hour Ukrainian food is extremely important to me.

• Have my very own washer/dryer. I know it’ll probably be years before I can afford an apartment with in-unit laundry, but a girl can dream, can’t she?

• Live in a building with an elevator. Or at LEAST be lower than the sixth floor. I know I signed up for this, but I’m tired of it. I also know I willingly re-signed my lease for another year, but that won’t stop me from yelling any time someone with fewer stairs than me tries to complain about their apartment.

• Casually run into Nick Jonas in the West Village. One time, my boss told me he saw the Jonas Brothers at The Dutch and my friend and I literally ran there in hopes of sitting down for a drinks and just so happening to see them. Unfortunately, we were too late, but I WILL make it happen eventually.

• Come up with a good response to “wow I could NEVER live in such a big city.” Hopefully I can cross this one off before Thanksgiving.

• Ride the Staten Island Ferry drunk while eating a hot dog. I almost did this one time last year — with friends, I’m not that crazy — but it started raining and we never tried again. I have no intention of actually venturing into Staten Island, but it’s fun to ride the ferry back and forth.

• Visit all five boroughs. If you count the Staten Island ferry station (I never said I hadn’t been on the ferry sober), I’ve technically been to every borough but the Bronx. I have no reason to go there other than to cross it off a list, but that won’t stop me.

---

There are probably 50 things I’m forgetting here, but these seem like the most pressing at the moment. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re interested in completing any of these extremely important bucket list items with me at any time. If there’s something else you think I should to this list, also let me know. I’m always open to feedback.

The start and end of my career as a beauty vlogger

After six hours of doing absolutely nothing while home sick on Monday, I decided to use my last few hours of free time to film the makeup tutorial I’ve been debating making since 2014. 

I’ll be the first to admit this is not a good makeup tutorial. I filmed it on my phone, the audio and video aren’t quite in sync, and you can hear sirens in the background because I live next to a hospital. To make the video more palatable, I did cut out approx. 4 minutes and 36 seconds of me blending eyeshadow. 

My biggest takeaways from this experience are that I don’t take myself seriously enough to do this again, and I should not be left to talk to myself for extended periods of time. I do strongly recommend you take 11 minutes and 55 seconds out of your day to watch this, if only because it perfectly captures my entire personality in one video. Enjoy.

In case you’re interested in any of the products I mentioned, here’s a quick recap.

Smashbox Photo Finish Reduce Redness Primer – as it turns out, I lied and this costs $39. NYX makes a primer that’s just as good for a fraction of the cost. Buy this one instead.

Laura Mercier Illuminating Tinted Moisturizer is amazing. Bought this one while my friends and I went tipsy shopping after brunch one weekend. No regrets at all about that decision. I guess the shade I use is called “Natural Radiance.” They definitely sell this at Sephora, but the packaging and color names were different on the website, so I got confused.

Tarte Shape Tape — only sold at Ulta. And I actually wear the second lightest color, because I’m not that pale (I am).

Benefit Gimme Brow+ Volumizing Eyebrow Gel — not to be rude, but this is better than Glossier Boy Brow. The brush is easier to apply with and they sell a wider range of shades.

Anastasia Beverly Hills Soft Glam Palette — my summer go-to.

Urban Decay All Nighter Setting Spray — which I really need to restock on.

Tarteist Lash Paint Mascara — I used to use Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara (yes, it really is), but I recently switched because it smudges under my eyes, and the waterproof version is trash. Haven’t decided which I actually like better.

NARS Velvet Matte Lipstick Pencil — I used Bettina in this video, and Damned is another favorite.

Pat McGrath Labs LUST Lip Gloss — not to be dramatic, but this is my favorite lip gloss I’ve ever owned. Bronze Divinity is my current favorite, but Bronze Venus and Sunset Rose are also amazing. As are, I assume, all of the other colors.

---

I hope you learned absolutely nothing here today. Shocked and proud this blog has survived for so long.

My skincare routine is not exciting

Disclaimer: I am not a real blogger. This post isn’t sponsored, and I will make exactly $0.00 if you click on any of the links in this post. If anyone knows how I can get Kiehl’s to sponsor me, please reach out immediately.

Last week, many of my fans (two friends) asked me to drop my skincare routine. After spending a solid 45 minutes filming, deleting and re-filming videos about it, I remembered I hate the sound of my voice and decided to stick to writing.

So, first thing’s first, probably 90% of the reason my skin is so clear is ~genetics~. My mom had perfect skin until she had her second child (everything is Ben’s fault), so as far as I’m aware, I’ll be safe until I have two kids.

And honestly? The earth is dying and it feels unethical to have children at all, so I’ll probably have flawless skin until the world goes up in flames and humanity is extinct. But that’s beside the point.

I credit the other 10% of my clear skin to Kiehl’s and Neutrogena.

As pathetic as this sounds, the #1 staple of my skincare routine is Neutrogena makeup remover wipes. They’re the best makeup wipes. Source: because I said so.

Although it’s definitely better to actually wash your face with soap, my drunk alter-ego is lazy, and having these on hand prevents me from passing out with a full face of makeup on. It takes 10 seconds. Just take it off. Your pores will thank you.

Your pores will also thank you for investing in a quality face wash that doesn’t have those little plastic beads in it.

Prior to my senior year of high school, I thought my skin was too dry for soap. I was stupid. You’ve gotta wash your face. Thankfully, Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Cleanser changed my life for the better. I recommend this to every single person I talk to about skincare, and thus far nobody has been disappointed.

That pairs very well with the Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Cream. This is fairly heavy, so if you have combination or oily skin, you should probably opt for something lighter. But what do I know?

I’ve been using this since 2012, and the one time I tried to use something different (this July), I immediately broke out. Consistency is key, I guess.

Although those are the only products I use daily – or at least most days – every once in awhile, I apply the Kiehl’s Creamy Eye Treatment with Avocado. It’s never too early to prevent wrinkles, am I right, ladies?

(Some woman in a skincare store tried to sell me on eye cream when I was like 14 and it traumatized me so now I’m terrified of looking old even though I’m only 23 and we really need to stop telling women they can’t have wrinkles under their eyes because EVERYONE has them, OKAY?!)

So, moral of the story: all I know about skincare is that you shouldn’t sleep with makeup on, and you’ve reeeeeeeeeally gotta moisturize. Maybe drink some water. Try to sleep sometimes.

Everyone’s skin is different, so what works for me might not be right for you. Comparing yourself to others won’t get you anywhere, especially when half of the people you see with “flawless” skin either facetuned the shit out of that selfie* or happened to have the gene for clear skin. Do what works for you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

*I do not FaceTune my selfies and take huge offense to the one person who accused me of doing so

Ben & I thought it'd be fun to live on opposite sides of the country

My biggest takeaway from the last five days is the shocking damage a three hour time change can do to my sleep schedule. I went to work this morning on four and a half hours of sleep, and that is nobody’s fault but my own (for foolishly not buying more melatonin before going away).

Sleep deprivation was absolutely worth it, though, to have a few days with my family. I didn’t even yell at anyone, other than the one time I did yell at everyone for reasons I can no longer remember. But that’s better than my usual family vacation behavior, so I can live with it.

After arriving in Seattle late on Wednesday night, I spent Thursday morning walking around Pike’s Place with my parents before we met Ben for lunch at our first dim sum stop of the day. My parents were each convinced they knew of a better dim sum restaurant in town, and the only way to know who was right was to go to both. My mom won (as per usual), and my dad actually brought us back to the place we tried the last time we visited Seattle, six years ago.

Forgot to get to the point at the beginning, but we went to Seattle because Ben has an internship at Zillow there (I’m really sorry to everyone who watches my Snap stories, I know I overdid the Zillow thing, but bragging about Ben makes me feel cool by association).

My parents spent a few days beforehand traveling around Oregon with my dad’s high school friends, and during that time, my mom fell in love with a beach house in [town name redacted], that she is fully convinced she’s buying for the sake of her grandchildren. Ben and I, unfortunately, had to break it to her that there won’t be any grandchildren anytime soon. I can’t tell you what city the house is in because she’s worried one of you will get the house before her. Obviously, most of my college friends who read this blog are in the market for a vacation home.

Anyway. We spent most of Friday on a boat in Lake Washington without Ben, which was amazing (the boat part, not the without Ben part). As much as I love living in a big city, I really miss going to the lake at home. Not that Big Sandy even compares to where we were, but it’s something. Can’t WAIT until Debbie buys her Oregon beach house so I can fly 13 hours round trip every single weekend to go boating.

After a refreshing day of swimming and drinking and reading, without getting sunburnt (!!!), I was two full hours late to meet my Chi O friend Haley for drinks, which is a new low for me. That, of course, resulted in me being almost half an hour late to family dinner afterward. I swear I’m not usually like that. But it was still worth it to catch up with someone who gets the whole living-in-Nebraska-your-whole-life-then-suddenly-moving-halfway-across-the-country thing. We both love it, it’s just a big change, ya know?

On Saturday morning, I put on my jeans and cute sneakers to “””drive around””” San Juan Island for the day. Emphasis on my expectation that we would just be “DRIVING AROUND.” We did technically spend a lot of time driving, but we also spent a lot of time on rocks I was not appropriately dressed to climb. I tore my favorite jeans open. It was still worth it. But I am disappointed.

I finished out the weekend yelling at someone at our hotel about my mom’s rings she left in the room, only to find out she actually wore the rings back to Nebraska, then forgot she had taken them off in her room. Neat. This did, however, save me an hour of sitting around at the airport, and I instead rolled up to the gate right as my group was boarding.

The weirdest part of this trip was saying “see you… I don’t know when” to Ben as he dropped me off for my flight. He still has two years of school left, but it seems like he’ll just keep going back to the west coast while I stay in New York. Going from adjoining bedrooms to living on opposite sides of the country was a pretty big jump, and I’m still not entirely adjusted. On the bright side, that’s just another excuse for me to take more vacations.

But did you know I was a groomswoman?

I promised Grant a blog post about his wedding, and HERE IT IS.

Those of you who follow me on social media, talk to me regularly or have stood within a two mile radius of me anytime in the past two months are probably aware I was a groomswoman in my friend Grant’s wedding. I’ll give a quick rundown of the history here before telling the (mildly censored) story of the wedding.

We met in a middle school, community theatre production of Pirates of Penzance in 2009. Back then, I was mean and bossy and had an unbelievably huge ego (so nothing has changed), and my earliest memory of Grant is the time I locked him in a room with my dog because he was scared of her. Obviously that was the foundation of an amazing friendship.

He and Kylee met on the first day of college because of COURSE THEY DID, and the first thing he told me about her was, “she’s so [expletive] smart!” He proposed over Thanksgiving their junior year, while I was studying abroad, and this proposal is the only secret I’ve ever kept. And by “kept,” I mean I told Annaliese and also my roommates in Florence and a girl who was on a weekend trip with me at the time, but nobody else. Does that count? No? Oh.

I practically begged to be a groomswoman because that’s the type of person I am. But my hard work payed off, and while he, Annaliese, Amy, Sophie and I were at the lake one weekend last summer, he gave us bath bombs and pictures of Hillary Clinton that said “I #StoodWithHer, will you stand with me?” Iconic, truly.

So anyway, about a month and a half ago, wedding weekend was finally upon us. Sophie, Amy and I literally cried during the rehearsal, so you know we were off to a good start. After that, we (Sophie) cried during our rehearsal dinner speeches, and then we all had a sleepover at Annaliese’s house. Yet another reminder that none of us have closed our Lincoln Southwest High School yearbooks.

We ate bagels in the morning before going our separate ways to get hair and makeup done, then spent a few hours at one of the bridesmaid’s houses taking pictures. We weren’t allowed to be outside during the first look, but obviously the entire wedding party was up against the windows trying to watch. Possibly crying (I know, we cried a lot).

Kylee looked SO BEAUTIFUL, as the groomswomen reminded Grant at least 17 times during the night. And again when we saw all of the photos a few weeks ago (Haley Chicoine is incredible, by the way, an absolute goddess). But that was obvious.

After hours of practicing our runway walk, Annaliese and I strutted down the aisle together, just moments before I started sobbing as Kylee walked in. Thankfully, my dress had pockets, so I was able to bring tissues and pass them down to Amy and Sophie, who cried harder than I did. Annaliese kept herself together because she is more mature than the rest of us.

We went to the hotel to drink some champagne before the reception, which was possibly the most fun event I have ever attended. It helps that most of my high school best friends and our high school choir teachers were in attendance, and that there was an open bar. Dancing to Single Ladies with Denise Cotton may have been the highlight of my entire life.

A few of us went out to Duffy’s after the reception, and I eventually made my way back to the hotel room, where I reportedly spent ten minutes talking to myself in a British accent on my bed. I wish I had more context. I also wish Meredith hadn’t been pretending to sleep so she didn’t have to talk to my drunk, British alter ego.

Aaaaaand then I woke up the next morning and drove myself to the airport so I could make it to the Tonys on time. Best. Weekend. Of. My. Life.

I guess there wasn’t much of a story to tell here, but the point is: as much as I complain about the amount of people getting engaged right now, I’m so happy for Kylee and Grant and I love them and being a groomswoman is the most fun thing I’ve ever done, even if that autocorrected to “groomsman” every single time I typed it.

My phone was stolen!!! (And 72 other reasons I haven't written since March)

Dozens (three) of my fans (two friends and my mom) have recently called me out for not writing anything since March. I was on such a roll for the first three months of the year – what happened?!

I wish I could say I’ve been busy doing something extremely cool and exciting, but I haven’t. And I didn’t even run out of ideas. Every other week or so, I’d think “wow I could write a funny blog post about [random thought that came to mind],” and then I wouldn’t. 

The best thing I can think to do now is tell you about every single thing I’ve done since I got home from Portugal. Stop reading now if you don’t care about my life.

Please note I would’ve included a cute slideshow of pictures from the last three months here, but I lost all of my photos when some a$$**** STOLE MY PHONE. More on that later (there’s nothing more to say, I just like complaining).

---

• I gave up dating apps for Lent in an attempt to stop seeking validation from strangers on the internet. Made it until six days before Easter, so I’d call that an almost-success. I definitely didn’t learn anything, and I might currently have a stalker from Bumble, but at least I tried.

• Went to Boston for the Marathon. I didn’t run the marathon, (I didn’t even go outside during the marathon) but I DID drink mimosas, make pancakes and set off the fire alarm while trying to cook bacon.

• Did a pizza tour with my team at work, which was SO. MUCH. FUN. I have a mini pizza journal from the tour in which I wrote notes and drew very detailed pictures of every slice we tried. DM for more info.

• Went home for Easter specifically so I could eat homemade pierogi. Worth it (thanks, Grandma!!)

• Hayley Bell, the human embodiment of a ray of sunshine, came to visit. We ate dinner at the restaurant I didn’t know existed on top of Eataly. Everyone should go there.

• Celebrated my roommate’s birthday, during which we both fell down the stairs at a bar. I think I fractured my tailbone. It’s been 11 weeks and it still hurts to sit. Pray for me.

• Re-signed my lease because I love my apartment in spite of the six flights of stairs. Also because none of us wanted to deal with moving again.

• Got tickets to see the Jonas Brothers in November!!! Will have the absolute worst seats at Barclays Center (we couldn’t even afford the MSG show), but my 12-year-old self would be ecstatic. Stay tuned to see the homemade, bedazzled t-shirt I’m going to make for the show. 

• Yelled at Michael because my room was messy and that was somehow his fault. He and Ricky stayed with me. One night we had two dinners, and it was so worth it. Very camp.

• Finally got pizza at Spumoni Gardens, even though Alec hates Brooklyn. So #blessed Jeannie made us go. 11/10 would go again.

• Went home AGAIN because I was a GROOMSWOMAN in Grant’s wedding. This will get its own post because it deserves it and because this was the best day of my life, but it would be wrong not to include it.

• Met my parents’ new dog, Gladys, and made an Instagram account for her. @GladdyStu is at summer camp for the next few weeks, but she’ll be back with even better content before you know it.

• Attended the TONY AWARDS and subsequently saw a lot of musicals in the following weeks. I went with a family friend who got tickets through a friend of a friend, and it was everything I dreamed of and more, even though I was sitting in the third balcony. Billy Porter sang Everything’s Coming Up Roses during a commercial break, which killed me and brought me back to life all in the span of two minutes. What do you mean I’m being dramatic?

• Saw Regina Spektor in concert for the second time and smiled more than I ever have in my entire life, probably.

• Harrison finally came back from the cruise ship, forcing me to see even MORE musicals and eat a lot of Schmackary’s. No regrets there. He’s never allowed to leave me again.

• Celebrated my one year in NYC at Times Square Olive Garden, and it was exactly as terrible/amazing as I imagined. I will probably never go there again, but I had to try.

• Went to the Jersey shore for the 4th. Got so very very sunburnt (don’t tell my parents) even though I swear I reapplied sunscreen very frequently. Text me for a cute pic of my weirdly shaped sunburn.

• Climbed the fire escape up to Taylor & Hannah’s roof to eat pizza and watch fireworks. Had the perfect view of the police trying to find the people lighting fireworks on the street. It did feel like they were shooting them right at us, but I’m still glad they escaped from law enforcement. 

• And, the most exciting part of all of the last three months… MY PHONE WAS STOLEN. And so was Emily’s. Out of our zipped up, cross-body purses at Hotel Chantelle. I replaced it after visiting three (yes, three) Verizon stores last Sunday, so the only real loss was my last six months of photos. This is what I get for thinking $1/month is too expensive for iCloud backup. 

---

So no, none of that should’ve stopped me from blogging, but at least I was having fun, right? I promise I have actually made a schedule for the next few weeks of writing, and will do my very best to stick to it.

And to those of you who have stuck with me through the inconsistent posts and incessant rambling, THANK YOU. The past year in the city has absolutely flown by. People keep telling me I’m going to start hating this place one of these days, but for now, I love it. 

No matter how much I hate the sound of my pipes banging in the winter, no matter how sweaty I get on my commute in the summer, and no matter how loud, smelly and crowded this city is, it’s still my favorite place to be.