Okay, as it turns out, people care more about my love life than my apartment. I'm here to write the content you want to read, so I guess it's time to talk about boys.
A man proposed to me (and both of my roommates) two weeks ago on a breezy Friday evening, just outside of Central Park. We were all truly blown away by this romantic gesture from a guy we had never seen before, so naturally, we said yes and the wedding will be next spring at the Plaza. You're all invited.
Beyond that, I've had great (read: terrible) luck on all dating apps. At this point, I'm just using them to research for the song cycle Meredith and I are writing about all the guys we aren't dating. It's going well so far.
Instead of going into great detail about all of the men I haven't met and the dates I haven't been on, I'm going to pull some highlights from my Twitter that really show off the fantastic dating pool here in NYC. And yes, I did link my Twitter. You should all follow me. Thank you.
I actually matched with this guy in Lincoln a few weeks before I left. We never actually met, but he told me he loves me, so that's either really promising or extremely concerning. Probably the latter, but I'm trying to be optimistic.
As you can imagine, this guy didn't reply. But I maintain that having a beard doesn't mean you have a personality, and he's probably just mad I was right.
OKAY technically this Coney Island dude is from a year ago, but someone just recently asked me if he's a clown. We didn't actually go to Coney Island because it rained, so I can't say with 100% certainty that he's not a clown, but I'm pretty sure.
Self-explanatory. I just don't like New Jersey. Sorry, Jeannie.
I do kind of feel bad about this, and probably should've replied to this guy, but it was just so funny. And my response would've been, "Oh shoot, sorry I forgot to respond, but no I don't want to get drinks with you on Monday!"
So yep, I've had no success. I'm just being mean to boys I don't know on the internet. The other day I started a fight with a guy about why women's pants don't have adequate pockets (don't get me started, it's a huge issue). This is my only source of entertainment. Send help.
I apologize to all of my relatives who were hoping I'd bring a boy home for the holidays. I still have a few months before Thanksgiving, but let's be real, nobody wants to go on vacation to Nebraska. Sorry everyone.
I hope you all find some enjoyment in the fact that I can't take myself seriously. I think I wrote a song about that once (no I really did it was so funny but that's beside the point). Maybe sometime I'll try to have a normal conversation with a man instead of drunk texting at 2 a.m. then deleting all of our messages so I can pretend I didn't do it. Maybe. In the meantime, I'll just be over here figuring out how Hinge works. Bye!