PROLOGUE: I forgot to finish writing this last week, and instead of just posting it a day late, I had to wait a full week and stick to my schedule. Apologies to the two of you who noticed my absence, it will probably happen again. //end scene//
Apparently I’ve lived in New York for three months now, which probably isn’t a huge milestone, but regardless it inspired me to share a few of the most important things I’ve learned in the past few months of pretending to be a grown-up. Key word, “pretending.”
Most of my newly acquired knowledge is about budgeting, but I stand by my belief that you should NOT trust me with any kind of financial advice, unless you’re wondering how credit cards work. That I can explain. My credit score is one of my best qualities.
Paying for things with cash doesn’t make them free. You may think, “oh but my checking account balance didn’t change, so it doesn’t count,” but that is WRONG. Especially when you think you have still $100 of graduation money, but then you break the bill to buy ooooone $17 Moscow mule and suddenly you only have $1.73 left. You’ll always be disappointed.
I maintain that brunch is a fiscally responsible meal. Especially if you sleep until noon and don’t get to brunch until 2, it’s really the only meal you need in a day. I’m not saying it’s healthy to only eat once a day (because……. it’s not), but health and having money in your bank account are two entirely different concerns.
Bottomless brunch, however, is a trap. You’ll just end up drunk at 1 p.m. and then you’ll end up at Trader Joe’s, somehow spending $60 on ice cream sandwiches and cheddar rockets and then you’ll fall asleep at 4 and wake up at 9 and your whole weekend schedule will be RUINED. Or you’ll just have a lot of mimosas and a lot of fun, idk whatever.
If you keep track of all the money you spend, whether in a well-formulated spreadsheet or a note in your phone called “$$bills y’all,” you’ll feel guiltier when you buy things you don’t need and it might actually keep you accountable. This isn’t really the same as actually budgeting, as I consistently disregard my weekly budgets (aka I didn’t buy groceries this week because I got a ticket to My Fair Lady instead. Priorities).
Being antisocial is great for both your mental health and your wallet. Usually. If you follow me on Instagram (which, uh, you better), you’ll know last weekend was the first time I made plans TWO days in a row and didn’t bail on anything. I swear I’m not a terrible person, I just need a break sometimes and also can rarely justify spending $50+ to get drunk in a crowded bar so loud I can’t hear my friends talk. Sitting at a desk for eight hours a day is shockingly draining, and there’s nothing wrong with going home to continue rewatching Sex and the City for the 5th time if that’s what’ll make you happy.
Meal prep is really worth the effort. I did it. I finally stopped eating PB&J, and bought some real vegetables instead. Produce from Whole Foods fits much more comfortably in my budget when I’m not buying unsatisfying, $13 salads three times a week. It helps to eat all of your vegetables before they go bad. Who knew?
A regular sleep schedule will change your life. I mean, I only stuck to mine for a week, but wow going to bed at 10:30 p.m. is so worth it in the morning. Sometimes I even wake up BEFORE my alarm goes off. CRAZY, right?
Laying out your clothes before bed is also a game changer. Put together an outfit while fully awake at night, so you can stay in bed a bit longer in the morning, knowing you won’t end up grabbing the first thing in your closet and showing up to work looking like Little House on the Prairie (I did this last week).
Cute shoes aren’t worth the pain. End of story.
Nobody knows what they’re doing with their lives at age 22. Your first job after college is proooooobably not the same job you’ll have the rest of your life, so you can chill. You have time to figure it out.
I’m sorry if you read this and thought, “Yeah Maddie, we literally knew all of this,” but to be fair I did say I’m not qualified to give anyone advice on anything. And I like to live by the assumption that everyone cares deeply about what I have to say. If you’re not tired of me yet, come back next week to find out why I hate LA. Buh bye now.